


Lessons in Clemency

by SteadfastWallflower



Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson, 楽しいムーミン一家 | Moomin (Anime)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - 1910s, Alternate Universe - Real World, Angst, Anxiety, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Homelessness, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, References to Depression, Teenagers, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-27 01:22:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18728830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SteadfastWallflower/pseuds/SteadfastWallflower
Summary: Snufkin uses his not occupied arm to grab onto the train door firmly and lets one leg be lowered down to the ground as the train slows down only a hundred meters to the train station. And when he thinks its safe enough he lets go and pushes of the train carriage letting go of the door.-The music had saved Moomin, he did not think about the fact his parents held all the cards of his life, or the fact Snorkmaiden wanted a future with him, or why the world saw him as a man whilst he saw himself as a child. Only one thought crossed his mind.‘I hope they dont mind I listen.’(ie, 1910's New England AU no one asked for but I wanted)





	1. a Leap and Now We Are Here

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! So I got this idea late at night, its a random AU but I didn't feel like there was enough Moomin fanfiction so I just decided I'd make my own. I've only just joined the fandom so sorry if some details are a little off, it might not be completely cannon compliant (its and AU anyways). idk why but I felt like a period piece would be nice. I don't know too much about Maine so I'm sorry if I get something wrong. I do have a minor form of dyslexia so I'm sorry if the grammar or spelling is bad, I don't have a Beta. Without further ado, enjoy.

Snufkin sat back up against a wooden crate, with a babe’s head resting near his lap listening carefully to the melody he played from his harmonica. The rocking of the train cart almost lulling are the sprawled children of the carriage to sleep, with the only noise being the echoing of the notes and the sound of the wheels hitting the tracks on the outside. Whilst all the children were grateful for the sense of calm that the music gave them Snufkin was ready to be on his own again. 

As he continued to play he looked over to a crack in the doors of the carriage to see a stream of light periodically being cut off by trees outside as they pass the landscape fast. Scanning over all the faces of the children in the cart, faces being shone upon by the god rays creeping through. Snufkin knows this is the end of the line, the farthest North him and probably anyone here has ever gone. Everyone present hoping to find a place for themselves in this corner of the world. There was only maybe five children here, but for a small state like Maine, hopefully they could find some room. There never seemed to be any space for children like them in the world, just on the fringes of it it seemed.

The music was about to come to conclusion when Snufkin heard the oh so familiar screech of the train ready to come to a stop. He quickly stops playing and pockets the harmonica. The shock to the ears of the children wakes them up from their daze as they scramble to pick up their very small bags with few belongings. The babe that was previously listening to Snufkin was now fast asleep, her shoulder length hair was a matted mess shaking with the vibration of the train. Whilst Snufkin did not want to wake her from what looks like a restful sleep what with her soft face and rosy red cheeks pressed into the floorboards and her eyes closed not bothered by the shine of light that streaked across her face, he knew that this was the end of the line and if she was caught still in the cart she would be in a lot of trouble. To spare her a few extra seconds of sleep he quickly grabs his backpack first and then jostles her awake.

“Hey, you need to wake up, we are almost there.” He rushes, she quickly sits up and starts to rub her eyes as she reaches for her bag. He turns to the doors which have already been pried open by two of the slightly older boys.

When he runs to the doors the air is assaulted by the smell of greener and a hint of salt. Peering outside, he holds onto his hat so it doesn't fly off he is grateful for forestry in the surrounding area he looks on to see the train station ever encroaching and looks back to see already two of the children have jumped off. As he turns to grab the railing so he can hop off he notices another one of the children go. Snufkin looks back outside and is ready to jump he, feels a tugging on his pant leg. It's the girl from before. ‘Shit I'm not cut out to look after kids’.

Reluctantly he picks her up and hikes her up to his hip and in rushed words says, “Hold onto my hat for me, this will be scary but please hold on.” He thinks about once they are off the train she will be on her own but now she needs help. Snufkin uses his not occupied arm to grab onto the train door firmly and lets one leg be lowered down to the ground as the train slows down only a hundred meters to the train station. And when he thinks its safe enough he lets go and pushes of the train carriage letting go of the door. He quickly moves his hand to cradle the girl’s head as he’s ready for impact with the ground. The ground is hard and jagged with loose rocks digging into Snufkin’s back as he tumbles. The girl shrieks on impact and he is reminded how much he wants to be left alone again. Once the tumbling ceases he releases the girl, she is free of any bruises or scratches, he on the other hand can feel cuts on his shoulder and back from the impact with the gravel. “Go little one, find the road it should lead to town.”

Half shocked and with watering eyes she drops his hat grabs her bag and books it for the woods. Within seconds her figure is obstructed by the trees and she is gone. Snufkin reaches for his hat which seems to have not have been as scuffed up as he was expecting. Pushing himself off the ground he goes to stand on his feet but feels a sharp pain coming from his ankle. ‘Shit, not now, I really can't deal with this right now.’ Crumpling over he hears the sound of a whistle and shouting coming from the station, looking over he sees a very familiar figure of a police uniform on a white figure and Snufkin knows he needs to bounce immediately. 

Mustering up the strength he begins with a fast crawl till he can force himself into a bolt, pushing through the roaring pain in his ankle. Finally pushing his way through the barrier of the forest he can hear the chaos of shouts and whistles behind him. He goes on navigating his way through the forest at a speed many would believe he had grown up running through these very woods. Using the various shrubberies, branches and trees as leverage he felt no need to stop for his ankle. Not before long the noise of dissipated and was replaced with the peaceful sound of wind dancing between the tree branches and Snufkin’s breath working like the engine of the train he just escaped. 

He began to slow down knowing that no one would willingly chase him through all the forest like that. Out of breath he sat against a tree and let rest take its course. For the first time in a long time he felt at peace. Snufkin could feel a smile pull on his face as his chest evened to a normal pace. He was finally alone, in nature, nothing ever felt more like home to him than now. The sun shine infiltrating through the branches and leaves left little spots of lights that seemed to almost be alive and he noted how much more beautiful this seemed than the lights on the train.

Then realising the cool air of spring curl and nip at the end of his nose and cheeks he remembers he needs to stay warm, ‘I need to make camp somewhere, I still have a few pieces of bread from Hartford, but I'll need to get some more food in the next day or so.’ After realising he needed to find a road to camp near, and this was most certainly not it. Once he got up he felt a pang in his ankle again, ‘well this is certainly going to make things more difficult.’ He limps his away through the woods, noticing all the beauty around him. The old boulders covered in moss to the young saplings that showed the coming of spring were the only friends Snufkin would ever need he thought.

Snufkin liked the solitude. Yeah sometimes being around a few people was nice, but he always felt his true happiness when he was alone. Which was some kind of sick joke he always thought. Because being a homeless orphan was one of the most lonely things someone could be. He liked living in the woods and he loved not being tied down to singular home or family so he could explore the world on his own accord. In fact there wasn't anything he really hated being in the situation he was in, it was the biggest sense of freedom he could ask for. But it always felt off… what kind of sick person liked this life. It felt so wrong but right at the same time. ‘I guess it's to be expected, being a mumrik, it’s just in my blood.’

For a few hours Snufkin dragged his foot through the forests of Maine having an existential question running through his head. The sweet sound of nature rang in his ears and the salty taste of the coastal forest air washed his mouth. He eventually found a thin dirt road, and a brooke intersecting it with a small bridge. The light that had been present had be disappearing behind the trees lighting up the sky with a most vivid orange, ‘It's getting dark, I found a road, this will have to do for tonight.’ Setting up camp took longer than usual due to the sprained ankle but it was finished and a fire was burning before the sky went black.

Resting by the fire to keep warm despite the layers of tattered clothing trying and failing to do so hung from his bony shoulders. He pulls out the harmonica, having not played it since earlier in the day, he decides to play a few songs. It brought him peace and soothed any anxious nerves. Not caring to notice anything past the dim light of the fire, if anyone did listen to the melody, then so be it.


	2. He Could Hear Therefore He Could See

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this was supposed to be around the same length of the first chapter, but things change XD  
> also someone asked if this is a human AU, I probably wont be making it explicitly a human AU, but thats how im visualising it in my head.
> 
> (TW: Panic attacks, Peer pressure)

“Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman ; and how she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her childhood : and how she would gather about her other little children, and make their eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long-ago : and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys, remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days. The End." And with that Moomin had gave a sigh of relief and closed Alice's Adventures Through Wonderland. On one side of him was Snorkmaiden, her head resting on his side, she had been listening on bated breath to every bit of the story Mommin had dictated. Her eyes were closed visualising the story that had unfolded and concluded in her mind. On Moomin’s otherside was Little My who looked half bored to tears, and was just waiting for the story to end.

“That was a lovely book Moomin, and your reading presentation is getting much better.” Moominmama chimed from her seat in the rocking chair. She was knitting up a new blanket for Little My, who had complained the previous day that a stinky boy from town had taken it from her and refused to return it. 

Little my huffed, “I don’t think he’s improved that much, he sounds the same to me. Look, even Snorkmaiden is asleep.” She was visually restless and was getting up from her seat on the sofa. She made a pointed glare to Moomin who in turn did the same. She made a knowing smile at that, he knew what she was trying to say, and words were not needed to convey that. ’you had your fun, now let's go out and actually have fun.’

“I am very much awake Little My and I’ll have you know that I don’t ever find Moomin’s readings boring, I quite enjoy them.” Snorkmaiden commented with a sharp tone, opening her eyes and slowly sitting up from her resting position laying on Moomin. Immediately she began to miss the warmth of the boy? Man? These last few months Moomin had been growing into maturity, and she didn't really know what to call him in this particular moment. Regardless she was wanting his touch to remain, and she put her hand on his lap. Both to give him reassurance from the verbal jab from Little My, and her own personal selfishness. He visually stiffened and immediately looked uncomfortable. Everyone had noticed, yet everyone spared the embarrassment and failed to comment on it.

“Hush now, there is no need for such words. I’m sure Papa would love to hear your progress Moomin, he should be home in a few days. Those darn editors seem to always call him down south all the time, it would be nice if they could come up and visit. We have the room, and I most definitely could use the help.” And with that Moominmama had ended that conversation. Little My was was quick to change the topic to something that best suited her interests.

“Come on then let's go outside and play some hide and seek, stretch our legs a bit. We’ve been inside all day and it would be nice to go outside before it gets dark.” She began to walk towards the entrance way of the house almost skipping like a child. Halfway through prying open the heavy door Moominmama interrupted her. 

“Sadly not today Little My, the sun will start to set soon and I will need help in the kitchen, and if we finish early you can help me bring in the laundry as well. There never seems to be enough time in the day, and there is always so much to do. Oh and Snorkmaiden, would you like to stay for dinner as well?” Mama began to sit up, putting her project down, which she had made great headway on. She groaned as she stretched her back ‘I’m getting old and everything hurts.’ she thought. 

“No, thank you Moominmama, you are very kind for offering. I should be heading home though, heavens know that Snork would starve to death if I don’t make supper for him.” They all shared a collective chuckle. Snork was a very loving and dedicated brother to Snorkmaiden, just maybe a little too dedicated to his new inventions. Snorkmaiden removed her hand from Moomin as she got up, he instantly began to look more comfortable with the loss of her touch. She had a small frown on her face from that, although everyone missed it as she quickly turned to him with a big smile. “Hey Moomin, would you mind taking me home? By the time we are halfway there it’ll be dark and I don’t want to be walking home alone in the dark. You never know what kind of criminals could be hiding in the woods.” She asked in a very cheery and ’hard to say no’ too manner. 

Moomin being the gentleman he was simply replied, “Of course Snorkmaiden, I wouldn't ever want you to make the journey alone.” Her smile grew as he got up from the sofa putting the book bown in his place. Moomin didn't really want to make that walk, much less back alone, but he knew it was the right thing to do, and his mother would force him otherwise. He gave a quick smile to Snorkmaiden before turning to his Mama. “Will that be alright with you, Mama.” 

She had a very excited look on her face, Moomin could most definitely imagine why. It wasn't any surprise to him or anyone else that she always imagined them as an item every since they were little kids. It all started when a young Moomin didn't understand what love or marriage really meant, yet he went around saying he wanted to marry Snorkmaiden when he was older so they could be friends forever, just like Mama and Papa. Oh how much he regrets those comments now. 

She replied hasty with elation in her voice, “Yes of course! You two should go. My and I will get started on dinner, it will be done by the time you get home.” She motioned for Little My to come over to her and to shut the door. My had been watching the scene unfold in front of her and she was very displeased with the outcome. “Come now Now Little My to the kitchen, I will need a helper if i am to finish in time for supper.”

“Oh come on this is completely not fair, I just want to play a little bit.” My ejected.

“I will hear none of that from you. You can play tomorrow if you wish for me to finish your new blanket before summer comes and you won't want it anymore.” She said with an firm and playful voice. To that My simply huffed and stomped her way across the drawing room into the kitchen. She glared at Moomin and Snorkmaiden, not saying anything before she leaves their line of sight and is in the kitchen. “Turn the gas on and boil some water, I will be there in a second.” she shouted to My, who could be heard grumbling from the other room. She turned to face the two remaining in the room and approached Snorkmaiden to give her a hug before escorting her and Moomin to the door. “Thank you for coming today, have a safe trip home. Hopefully I will see you tomorrow, yes?” she bid her goodbye and Snorkmaiden did the same, affirming she would return tomorrow to play with Little My. Snorkmaiden handed Moomin the lamp she knew he always grabbed from the hook by the door when he walked her home. They giggled and the two were off. 

The walk to the Snork household was filled with chatter. Mostly discussing how nice it would be to have an automobile in a moment like this. Snorkmaiden had mentioned that her brother was working on something of the sort. But she was not at liberty to say how the progress on it was going. She also stated she was not excited to be the test driver for such a project, although Moomin beamed at the idea that he could try it out when it was completed. Their conversations were filled with laughter and joy, just like always as they made their way across the bridge over the creek near the Moomin Household. They walked on for a good part of an hour before they could see the Snork house over the hill. That’s when the tone of the conversation started to change in tonality.

The sun was just under the horizon, yet the light was still leaking across the sky making beautiful colours reflect from the clouds. The most vibrant pinks and oranges, mixing with menacing and dark blue and reds. Snorkmaiden came to a complete stop just at the base of the hill. Moomin was finishing a laugh from a story that he was sharing with her. It took him a moment before he noticed she was no longer at his side but behind him, looking grim and almost sad. 

He became worried fast, ‘Did I say something to hurt her? Oh no she looks so sad, I don’t want her to be sad, was it my fault? It would have had to have been, I’m the only one here. Oh no what have I done. Got to fix this. Got to fix this. Got to fix this.’ He thought as he rushed over to her. His heart was beating like he just ran a marathon, has was starting to breathe heavily. He felt as though he was losing his sight and all his senses. He wanted to curl up on the ground and cry. ‘Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. What have I done. I fucked up’ his mind kept racing before he could even begin to speak.

Putting down the lamp to reached for her shoulders as he finally was able to push words out, “What ale’s you? Is everything alright what has got you so down? We were having a great time till just now.” he said in a shaky and uncertain voice. He knew he had to get something out to fix the situation, anything to fix this situation would be good. Her eyes grew darker with the sky before she looked up at him. There were not tears in her eyes, but it looked as if they were made of glass and they were about to break releasing a tidal wave of old and new waters made of tears. 

She looked him straight in the eye and asked, “Do I repulse you?” And with that statement the last bits of light that had been remaining on the sky had disappeared, leaving the shine in her eyes. Now they looked both defeated and dead. 

Moomin did not know how to answer this question. Of course not! He loved to spend time with her, he loved to read with her, and play hide and seek with her. No, he was not repulsed by her. But he knew that that's not what she meant by that question. She meant that why, as a 19 year old man why has he not shown any interest in her that way. Why has he not made a move? He didn’t see himself as a grown man, he was still a child. And Children shouldn't have to think about things like this. She looked at him like she knew there was someone else. There couldn't be anyone else in his life that had won his affections. They both lived rather secluded in the north of Maine, with very few friends to speak of. He didn't want to lie to her, and he knew that if he did not reciprocate her emotions his parents would be disappointed in him. But he does not feel for her the way she does him.

He finally asked, “Is this about you putting your hand on my lap?” trying to buy some time to think what he could say to her to be truthful to himself, yet not hurting her of disappointing his parents.

“Yes… well no, you've done things like that before. I just wanted to know if there is someone else or if you really find me that horrifying to be near me. I thought that by now you would have grown up and realised that I have affections for you and it hurts when you pull away from me!” She was shouting on the verge of tears. They could almost hear her words bounce off the trees and hills. She was being boisterous and he was starting to get really scared that he would say the wrong thing and make everything a whole lot worse. The breeze was picking up and was getting bitingly cold as it does for the beginning of spring. 

Just as the echoing of her words began to finish they heard the bang of a window opening in the home behind them. They turned to see Snork opening to window to see the commotion outside. He quickly spot the two and shouts’ “Oh Snorkmaiden! I hope you had a lovely time, I want to show you my progress on the automobile! I’ll meet you downstairs. Moomin thank you for being such a gentleman and walking her home!” he closes the window and the lamp light from the upper floor room was then starting to disappear and reappear downstairs and he walked downstairs.

Moomin then turned back to Snorkmaiden and noticed there were tears about to break the barriers of her eyes. Not wanting to send her home in tears, he wiped them away with his hand on her cheek and gave a little kiss there as well. He finally swallowed his pride, he had to please everyone above himself, and ‘that takes sacrifice sometimes.’ he lamented in his thoughts. He finally responded in a tender voice as not to hurt her, “Of course I don't find you repulsive Snorkmaiden, and I’m sorry for all the times I’ve acted otherwise. I’ve been acting like a blushing child instead of a grown man.” He was starting to shake noticeably, this was too much stress and all he could think about was diffusing the situation at all costs. “I want to make things better.” That was true. “I do share affections with you.” That was a lie. “ You are my closest friend and I’ve just been so worried to lose that with you.”

Snorkmaiden was silent, but her tears started to disappear as they started to light up along with her face. She started to blush and have a wide smile. “Really?” asking in disbelief, “Does that you'd be willing to try being with me?”

“Of course.” That was a lie. He was not willing to try, he didn’t want to try. He never felt anything more for her than he did for Little My, but he was not about to break her heart or the hearts of countless others who believed they were meant to be. He needed time to think this out carefully, away from her, away from the pressure of others. “We can talk more of this tomorrow” he promised. “Right now your brother is waiting for you at home, and Mama and Little My are for me.” And with that he could leave the discussion till tomorrow, and he can think restlessly about it tonight.

He picks up his lamp and walks her home. The last few meters to the Snork house were the most dreadful of Moomin’s life. But before he knew it, he was wishing her a goodnight on her porch step, gave her a hug, then turned on his heel and walked away not looking back at her or that house.

His body shook with the force of an earthquake as he walked along the road back to his home. Thoughts racing so fast he couldn’t calm down from it. He felt like his vision was going again which didn't help that it was completely dark out and he could barely make out the path. He hated himself for lying to her, but he also berated himself for not just capitulating to the situation and just accept what everyone assumed to be fact about the feelings between the two of them. In his mind it didn’t matter what he did or could have said, he would be wrong no matter what. He wanted to be a child again where love and responsibility were romanticized notions he didn’t understand.

Nothing could get him out of his head. Not the cool air, not the smell of pine, not the taste of sea salt, not the light of his lamp, not the sound of the wind. It was just a void that encompassed him has he began to run. He wasn't sure if he was running away from Snorkmaiden and the fear of shame, or running towards his home and his mother’s arms for a sense of his childlike innocence. He just ran, dropping his lamp on the ground behind him and its flame gets snuffed out in the mud. He did not care nor did he feel like he should care about that light, even if it meant Mama would be upset, right now he just wanted to give into the void. Finally giving into the void of chaos and panic consumed him as he ran the familiar path home. Nothing could pull him out of the trance, no matter how desperately he tried to distract himself.

Or at least that was what he thought, because just as he knew he was close to home he heard something unfamiliar. He heard… music? That can't be right he must be imagining it, the only sound he should be hearing on this path was the wind rustling the leaves or whistling. Slowing down to a stop, he was actually hearing the music. It was calm and sweet, it whistled and and sang without words. The music brought him back. He could heard, therefore he could see. He saw a fire light, and a tent with an unfamiliar shadow. It was next to the bridge from across the creek. This curiosity had woken him up as it were, he was pulled out of the void, the panic. All thoughts of shame or Snorkmaiden were gone. All could think about was the stranger and their music. 

Shuffling quietly as not to disturb them he settled behind the reeds of the creek. Looking between the blades, getting glimpses of light. He wanted to hear more of the music, it gave him great relief from the racing thoughts. The music had saved him, he did not think about the fact his parents held all the cards of his life, or the fact Snorkmaiden wanted a future with him, or why the world saw him as a man whilst he saw himself as a child. Only one thought crossed his mind.

‘I hope they dont mind I listen.’


End file.
